Sometimes it is difficult to know what is going on with someone else, particularly when they are well practiced at hiding their feelings and we are in the midst of a pandemic!
At the beginning of August, I had a fallout with a very close friend of mine. Something had happened over six months ago which had really upset them but I had absolutely no idea because my friend had bottled up that emotion rather than telling me at the time.
Once it had all come out, I thought about what our relationship had been like over the last six months - there had been a little tension but at the time, I had put it down to the pandemic, a third lockdown and my own distractions with work and home - I was completely oblivious to the fact my friend felt our friendship was being threatened!
I have been in this place, where I have been upset by something someone has said or done, but I've not said anything and stewed over it for months and eventually just let it go. In my early career, I did this a lot.
I have learnt over the years though. People generally act with good intention and don't purposefully go out of their way to annoy each other. As humans, we like harmony - much of what we do is to maintain this harmony, not disrupt it.
So, sometimes, I can just let it go but when I can't, I will have the conversation. If I can't do it in the moment, I'll do it as close to as I can. If we don't know what we have said or done is hurtful or upsetting, then we are completely powerless to change and we may well keep doing it.
I'm hoping, if this had been a year without a pandemic, I would have noticed the tensions sooner and asked what was wrong and my friend wouldn't have been seeing my devil horns every time we spoke! But while I take responsibility for not noticing, they have to take responsibility for not telling me sooner. We cannot control how others behave but we can control ourselves.
Thankfully, our friendship remains strong but it could have been so very different.