I was talking to a peer of mine a few weeks back about a particularly difficult relationship she had with someone in her team. When I asked her if she had told this person how their actions was making her feel, an emphatic No! was the answer, followed by "I'm her manager, I can't do that; that's not what managers do!"
This response really surprised me; the woman I was having the conversation with, cares deeply about her team and creating a good working environment. Agreed, in many workplaces there are managers who believe they have to have the answer to everything, telling everyone what to do and keeping all their feelings and emotions to themselves; but some of the best leaders I know are prepared to show their vulnerabilities.
An ex-CEO of mine, once postponed a meeting telling us all, he wasn't in the right mindset to deal with the discussion that needed to happen. So, we rescheduled. Half the room, nodded and left, the other half were visibly shocked and didn't know quite what to do next!
This is an example of being vulnerable which takes courage. Brené Brown suggests vulnerability is about courage and feeling discomfort; not necessarily sharing our deepest fears and emotions.
Another CEO I worked with, would use the phrase "do what is right, not what is comfortable". Often, if a decision we were making felt uncomfortable, we knew we were making the right one.
Being vulnerable is telling someone you can't make a decision right now, giving an opportunity to someone else because they will be better at it than you or telling someone how their behaviour is affecting you. It is not a weakness, it shows real strength.
All easy to write, I know, because we have to come to terms with our own discomfort first and the legacy of the more traditional rules around how to be a manager.
It is okay to ask for help and say you don't know the answer - showing up as ourselves rather than the version we think we should be is much less exhausting and will ultimately build trust.